It's Not About the Milk

It's not about the milk.

This may seem like a strange title to our blog, but it comes with a story.

Marriage comes with its fair share of ups and downs and each day we find that we must learn how to best love each other. Sometimes that means seeing a situation through your spouses eyes rather than your own. This past Friday morning was one of those situations. I (David) work at a restaurant here in Siloam Springs. When I work in the mornings my shift starts at 9:30 in the morning. That means I normally roll out of bed about 8:30, get up, shower, eat, and then I'm off by 9:20.

So on Friday when I woke up to eat, I asked Lynea how she was. She told me was that she had a really rough night of sleep with some bad dreams and that she had already been up for hours. I commented on the rough night of sleep and told her I was sorry it was bad. Then me, being in my task-oriented routine that morning thought, "Well she will get up soon and find something to eat, but I have to go to work soon so I better eat now". Not saying anything else, I walked to the kitchen to find some cereal and found that there was only a swallow of milk in the fridge. Naturally I thought, "Well there isn't enough for both of us, so I'll just finish it off". Not the best choice. She soon came out hoping to find some milk to go with her cereal (she hates dry cereal) but alas, I had taken the last swallow and we really needed to go grocery shopping so we were already low on food. She sat down with me and a glass of water and was very quiet. After a minute, I asked what she was thinking, to which she replied, "I'm hungry." For some reason that didn't really register in my mind so I didn't really respond and started thinking about other things. It quickly became apparent that something was wrong so after prying a little bit (it takes a lot of time for her to talk sometimes :) ...) she let on that I knew she was hungry and yet I didn't really engage with her when she told me that. I didn't offer any milk or ask why she wasn't eating (because there was no breakfast food that didn't require milk). Yet I didn't really understand why she was upset that she didn't have any milk. There was barely any left.

Here's the thing: In my mind the issue was about the milk and that I didn't save it for her, but in Lynea's mind she was more upset that I didn't take the time to listen to her needs and pursue her after a rough night. And on top of that I didn't take time to make sure that there would be something for her to eat. And she was totally right. If there is one thing that I have quickly learned since married, its how selfish I can be. People say it all the time but its true. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it, but about learning to love my spouse selflessly and meeting her needs first. It has only been 3 months of marriage and I am amazed at how much we continue to learn about each other and how to meet each other's needs best. Men tend to think that everything is okay after a brief conversation of consoling, but what my wife really needs and desires is a sincere listening ear and a man who will continue to pursue her heart and thoughts even after we said "I do".