The Devil Hates My Marriage

Before David and I got married, we got a lot of advice from people about what it would be like. We were told that it is hard and takes a lot of work. We were also told that it is the best thing in the world and that nothing else in life is quite like it. We've experienced both of that, for sure. But what I don't remember anybody ever telling us explicitly was that the enemy would actively hate our marriage and want to make us unhappy and ineffective.

You see, even though David and I make a lot of mistakes, we have really worked to make Christ the foundation and center of our relationship. We want our marriage to be such an incredible union that it not only glorifies God, but that it also points others toward him. We want to be made more like Christ through our relationship with one another. And you know what? I was led to believe that if I did that, marriage would pretty much be a piece of cake. Yes, hard times would come, but not for like, at least a year. 

We got so much advice saying things like, "Put God at the center and everything will work out fine." YES. This is so true. With God in first place, everything WILL turn out like it is supposed to. But what nobody said was, "Put God first, and then expect that the enemy won't like that, so he will try to throw some flaming arrows at you. Be prepared to do some spiritual warfare together. From the very beginning." 

I wish somebody had told us that. Or at least, that I had really listened when they did. 

I'm almost 21 years old and I've been married for three months. I've prayed more and "done battle" in the spiritual world more in the last three months than ever before in my life. Since being married, Satan has spoken so many lies into my head. He lies to me that I'm not good enough to be married to David. He lies to me that I have so many issues that David is going to leave me. He lies to me that David isn't fully committed to me (and BELIEVE ME, this man is so wonderfully committed). He lies to me that God isn't seeing my heart and taking care of me. He lies to me that God isn't taking care of us. He lies and he lies and he lies. 

And while every hard thing in marriage is NOT from Satan...{lets be real, God has been doing a LOT of fine-tuning and not-so-fine-tuning in my life since marrying David}...he certainly does what he can. 

Satan is a liar. But he's so sneaky. He sneaks in and gently nudges with those lies. He comes when I am feeling most vulnerable. He comes when my husband is at work and I'm alone with only my own thoughts for hours. He comes in when I am discouraged about school and other things coming up. He's a sneaky liar. I have to be on my guard. 

So why am I telling you this? I want anybody who is preparing to marry or is already married or who will get married any time in the future....be prepared to fight. Not with each other of course (though that happens sometimes too ;) but be prepared to do spiritual battle. Be prepared to go to battle for your spouse in prayer. Be prepared to go to battle with Satan and the stupid lies he speaks into your head. Be prepared to take every thought captive. 

And know that you can do none of it without the power of Christ in you. Its true, you have to put God at the center of your marriage and even more, at the center of who you are. I can't even tell you the amount of times that David and I have had an issue come up and we have had to go to God in prayer acknowledging that we can only do marriage in His power. And we have to acknowledge that the issue is often bigger than the two of us...we have to rebuke Satan in Jesus' name, because he has no right to touch us or our marriage. 

Spiritual warfare is no easy thing. And its even harder when its involving something so dear to us like our marriage and our relationship with each other. But I have to tell you, you will face it. So be prepared for it. I'm pretty sure that being prepared for it is half the battle, at least emotionally. 

Marriage is hard like they say. And marriage is better than anything I have ever experienced. God has brought me so much joy from being married to my incredibly wonderful husband. And I'm pretty sure we make God laugh too :) But Satan? No, he hates it. And you know what? I'm glad he hates it. That means we must be doing something right. 

It's Not About the Milk

It's not about the milk.

This may seem like a strange title to our blog, but it comes with a story.

Marriage comes with its fair share of ups and downs and each day we find that we must learn how to best love each other. Sometimes that means seeing a situation through your spouses eyes rather than your own. This past Friday morning was one of those situations. I (David) work at a restaurant here in Siloam Springs. When I work in the mornings my shift starts at 9:30 in the morning. That means I normally roll out of bed about 8:30, get up, shower, eat, and then I'm off by 9:20.

So on Friday when I woke up to eat, I asked Lynea how she was. She told me was that she had a really rough night of sleep with some bad dreams and that she had already been up for hours. I commented on the rough night of sleep and told her I was sorry it was bad. Then me, being in my task-oriented routine that morning thought, "Well she will get up soon and find something to eat, but I have to go to work soon so I better eat now". Not saying anything else, I walked to the kitchen to find some cereal and found that there was only a swallow of milk in the fridge. Naturally I thought, "Well there isn't enough for both of us, so I'll just finish it off". Not the best choice. She soon came out hoping to find some milk to go with her cereal (she hates dry cereal) but alas, I had taken the last swallow and we really needed to go grocery shopping so we were already low on food. She sat down with me and a glass of water and was very quiet. After a minute, I asked what she was thinking, to which she replied, "I'm hungry." For some reason that didn't really register in my mind so I didn't really respond and started thinking about other things. It quickly became apparent that something was wrong so after prying a little bit (it takes a lot of time for her to talk sometimes :) ...) she let on that I knew she was hungry and yet I didn't really engage with her when she told me that. I didn't offer any milk or ask why she wasn't eating (because there was no breakfast food that didn't require milk). Yet I didn't really understand why she was upset that she didn't have any milk. There was barely any left.

Here's the thing: In my mind the issue was about the milk and that I didn't save it for her, but in Lynea's mind she was more upset that I didn't take the time to listen to her needs and pursue her after a rough night. And on top of that I didn't take time to make sure that there would be something for her to eat. And she was totally right. If there is one thing that I have quickly learned since married, its how selfish I can be. People say it all the time but its true. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it, but about learning to love my spouse selflessly and meeting her needs first. It has only been 3 months of marriage and I am amazed at how much we continue to learn about each other and how to meet each other's needs best. Men tend to think that everything is okay after a brief conversation of consoling, but what my wife really needs and desires is a sincere listening ear and a man who will continue to pursue her heart and thoughts even after we said "I do".