You, be you. Let them be them.

"Wow! You guys move fast! We dated for a whole year before we were engaged!"

"You guys want to have kids in the next few years? We definitely want at least 5 years first so we have time just to ourselves."

"You guys have been dating for how long? When are you gonna pop the question?!"

Sound familiar? Maybe you haven't heard these exact statements, but if you think about it, you have probably heard something along these lines. You've been telling somebody about you and your significant other and they immediately react with a comparison to their relationship. Or they tell you how they would do it differently if they were in a relationship.

The other day while David and I were getting ready for bed, we started talking about this. A friend of mine had been talking about another couple we know and for some reason I just felt really uncomfortable with the conversation. It wasn't just because it was bordering on gossip. It was because I have a new understanding of some of the intricacies of relationships and I realized that it was really unfair to be talking negatively about how another couple was walking the road of their relationship. I became really uncomfortable because I don't want others to be judging the way David and I walk the road of our relationship.

I'm not writing this to chastise anybody or get upset with the world. Let's be honest. I'm just as guilty as the next person. But as I've been thinking about it lately I've realized something: Why can't we just be free to be our own couple?

David is a unique man. He lived part of his life in France and most of it in Colorado Springs. He has experienced living in Arkansas, Germany, and Ireland. He is a photographer and a server at a nice restaurant in town. He cares deeply about his family and friends and has strong moral convictions. He has been Napolean Dynamite on several occasions and insisted on getting my garter with his teeth {yes, I probably blushed.} There is nobody exactly like him.

I am a unique woman. I lived part of my life in Colorado Springs and most of it in Peru. I have experienced living in Californa, Costa Rica, and Ireland. I have worked in a sweat shop and I now help a girl with some physical disabilities. I am a youth ministry major and grew up in Charismatic churches. I love to serve people {at least, that's what David says} and I love my friends and family greatly. I'm a jungle girl and city girl at heart. I drove motorcycles at a young age and have held a couple different anacondas. There is nobody exactly like me.

So if we are two unique people, doesn't that mean that we are also our own unique couple? We will move at our own pace and make decisions in our own way. There is no other couple exactly like us. Of course, I'm not saying that we don't need shared wisdom from people. Actually, we soak it up. What I'm saying is that we don't need to compare our relationship to other people's relationships! And we have no right to judge the way others walk through their relationship. We get to be ourselves. And others need to be able to be themselves.

Comparison is such a big issue in our culture. Facebook and Instagram are a breeding ground for it. I'm not against being on Facebook and Instragram because I use them both frequently. But think about it. How often do you see somebody's post about their life and get a little bit jealous, frustrated, or annoyed because they have something you don't or are doing something in a different way than you might? I do whenever I see somebody on a lake, or in the mountains, or at the beach. And ladies, be honest. There are times when we see somebody's "perfect" selfie and get jealous because she looks so perfect. We compare and compare and compare. And its not healthy. One of my favorite professors says, "Comparison breeds discontentment." Isn't that true? I have days where I'm having a pretty good day and feeling pretty confident; then I see that beautiful girl surrounded by friends hanging out in the student center. And I start to compare. And I become discontent. {Actually, I see that young mom holding her tiny baby...and I begin to desperately want one}.

Comparison doesn't do anybody any good. It doesn't do me any good when I hear somebody compare my relationship to theirs. It makes me feel like we are doing something wrong. And it doesn't do me any good when I compare somebody else's relationship to mine. They aren't me and David. They don't have to be us.

And it's not just people in relationships that make judgement comparisons. I remember what I was like before I was in a relationship. I would frequently make comments to other friends about couples I knew and about what I would do differently. I talked like I knew what their relationship should be better than they did. But I didn't. And I really don't have the right to judge the way that they walk through their relationship. There is no handbook for relationships. They are hard and they take work. People have to be able to walk the journey together in the way that really works for them as a couple.

And I'm not saying that don't think we should ever challenge our friends to walk "the straight and narrow." I hope if I ever have a close friend who is in an unhealthy relationship that is clearly not honoring God, that I will have the courage to come forward and in love speak truth. However, that isn't what I am talking about here. I'm talking about those "non-essentials" like when to meet the family. And when to first kiss. And how much time to spend together at different levels of seriousness. And when to get engaged. And how long of an engagement to have. And when to have kids. All those things that we have opinions on. That don't really need to be shared unless they are asked for by the couple.

People are all unique. So are couples. So I'm learning to just allow people to be in their relationship without feeling like they are being analyzed. Just because they dated longer before becoming engaged doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. And just because we want kids sooner than another couple doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us. We are us. And we can be so confidently.

So be your own person and be your own couple! Let God direct you as He will. Don't compare other relationships to your own. And let your friends relationships be theirs as well. I never want to make people feel like they are doing something wrong simply because I make a point of saying how differently I would do it. Can we all just be free to be ourselves?

Celebrating Four Months

Today we celebrate four months together!

I know this isn't one of the "important" milestones that everybody acknowledges and celebrates, but we are celebrating! We are celebrating four months of loving and laughing and learning and growing. Four months ago, we stood in front of you, our family and friends, and promised to love each other for the rest of our lives.

We promised to make each other laugh (you can see David was doing that even as he shared his vows) and we promised to challenge each other to grow in our faith and our love for Jesus Christ. The last four months have been a journey of learning what all of that actually means in real life. It hasn't always been the easiest thing but I can't even begin to express how worth it it has been! I love this man. so. much. 

David loves me so well. He had no idea what he was getting into when he married me! Believe me...I didn't put a front on for him when we were dating, but now he spends the majority of his time with me. He gets to experience all of my moods, all of my bad habits, all of my headaches, all of my quirks. And he handles them with so much patience and gentleness. A few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep because I had just the worst migraine. David likes his sleep and was exhausted, but instead of letting me deal with it on my own, he got up and got me water as I threw up over and over. Then he went to Walmart to get me medicine that I couldn't even keep down. What a man. He washes the dishes even though he hates washing dishes. He drives me to class on mornings that I'm not ready early enough to walk or drive myself. What a wonderful, selfless man. 

David makes me laugh every single day. He's such a goof and he totally brings it out in me also! If you've spent any significant time with us, you know that every other sentence we say to each other is usually in some silly accent. It probably sounds so dumb, but we are thoroughly entertained by it. I'm so thankful for a man who doesn't take himself too seriously, or me too seriously!! The accents he talks in, the faces he makes, the little dances in the kitchen...this guy brings so much joy and laughter into my life. What a fantastic friend to spend my life with!

I am learning so much about who I am, who my husband is, and who God is because of my marriage to David. I'm learning what it means to really love. Love isn't always a rainbows and butterflies feeling. I'm not saying that doesn't exist with love sometimes, but its not love itself. Sometimes love is picking my clothes up off the floor because David likes things to be in order. Sometimes love is getting David something to eat so he can rest after work even though I'm tired too. Sometimes love is filling my own tank of gas so that he doesn't have to later. But I'm not in this alone! David has learned so much about loving me also! He leaves me random notes with encouraging words for me to find when I get home after a busy day of classes, work, and internship. He gets me flowers for our table. He stops during the chaos of work and sends me a short text telling me how much he loves me. We are learning what it means to speak love to each other in the way that we best receive. Can you tell how different our primary love languages are? :) David loves selflessly and he loves me well. What an incredible servant he is. 

I have grown so much because of who David is. He calls out the best in me and challenges those rough areas in my life. I am so much more aware of my words because of David. I've always struggled with gossip. This man has challenged me to be so much more careful about the words I speak about people. He has challenged me to stop complaining about so many things and to realize just how blessed I really am. He challenges me to live in a way that really shows people that I am different because I am a Christian. And he doesn't do this simply with his words. He does this by his example. God has used this man to be such an instrument of growth in my life. What an amazing example this man is to me. 

Today we are celebrating four months of marriage. I am celebrating four months of loving and being loved by the most incredible husband. I am celebrating the blessing that God has given me by allowing me to love and take care of his son, David. I am celebrating the laughter that fills our home each day. I am celebrating all of the things we have learned in the last four months. I am celebrating the growth in my life because of who my husband is. I am celebrating my husband. 

I am not writing this blog to brag about my incredible life and my incredible husband. I'm not writing it to make my life look perfect. I am writing it because I think that God likes to celebrate! I'm no Bible scholar, but I do know that God commanded his people to have lots of feasts of celebration! God loves it when His people celebrate His provision and blessings. So I am celebrating. We are celebrating. God has been good to me. 

What has God been doing in your life? What are the blessings He has given to you? What are you celebrating today?

Be Here Now: Learning Contentment

“Be here now”

For those of you who have worked at Eagle Lake Camp in Colorado Springs, this phrase is very familiar to you. This is what we would say to the kids anytime they would ask what is next. “When is free time?” “When do we get to eat lunch?” “When is free time?!” Our response: “Be here now”. I find it funny sometimes that I was the person telling these kids to be in the moment and to be content because this has always seemed to be something I have struggled with.

Although there have been times when I have found myself stuck in the past, I tend to be a dreamer. I usually think about the future more than anything. When you are young, you have dreams about getting older, driving and having your first car, meeting your first girlfriend (or boyfriend), graduating high school, college, and then someday getting married and having a family. At least, that is the way it was for me. Now that I have done most of those things, I still dream. I’m not saying that dreaming is bad but I have found that when it starts getting in the way of being content in the present, it can become a problem.

If you ask Lynea or I what we want in life, we will both reply that we want have a family. It actually wasn’t long after we were married that we had our first baby “scare.” Through that, we actually realized how badly we want to be parents. We became very attached to the idea of having a child and even though we knew it was for the best, it was hard to accept the fact that we weren’t pregnant. For many reasons, having a baby right now wouldn’t be the smartest idea. But even though I know that, it has been so easy to entertain the idea that a few times I have forgotten to just enjoy being married. There are so many blessings to being married without the responsibility of a child! I love Lynea very much and absolutely love being married to her. As we have gone through this season of our life where we get the blessing of getting to focus solely on one another, what I continue to realize is that I need to take advantage of this time to learn how to love her best before we, or God, decides to introduce another member into our family. I need to be content where I am.

Even if we can’t have a baby…or a puppy, a kitten, or even a different job, God is teaching me to trust him and be here now.

I wanted to share this with you because I remember being in a place before getting married where I thought marriage would cure discontentment and the desire for more, but in reality it doesn’t. Marriage is a huge blessing, but by no means does it just cure your problems.

And neither will anything else you may dream of having. Or any relationship you dream of being in. So whether you are single, married, young, or old; don’t focus on what you don’t have or where the grass may be greener, because honestly, the grass is greenest right where you are. God has so much for you right where you are.

Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This verse is a good reminder that no matter what stage of life I am in, God has things he wants to teach me here and now. If I am focusing on the past, or on what may come in the future, there will probably be something really important I miss today. Don't miss out on what God has for you today because you are so focused on what may come tomorrow. Be here now. 

The Devil Hates My Marriage

Before David and I got married, we got a lot of advice from people about what it would be like. We were told that it is hard and takes a lot of work. We were also told that it is the best thing in the world and that nothing else in life is quite like it. We've experienced both of that, for sure. But what I don't remember anybody ever telling us explicitly was that the enemy would actively hate our marriage and want to make us unhappy and ineffective.

You see, even though David and I make a lot of mistakes, we have really worked to make Christ the foundation and center of our relationship. We want our marriage to be such an incredible union that it not only glorifies God, but that it also points others toward him. We want to be made more like Christ through our relationship with one another. And you know what? I was led to believe that if I did that, marriage would pretty much be a piece of cake. Yes, hard times would come, but not for like, at least a year. 

We got so much advice saying things like, "Put God at the center and everything will work out fine." YES. This is so true. With God in first place, everything WILL turn out like it is supposed to. But what nobody said was, "Put God first, and then expect that the enemy won't like that, so he will try to throw some flaming arrows at you. Be prepared to do some spiritual warfare together. From the very beginning." 

I wish somebody had told us that. Or at least, that I had really listened when they did. 

I'm almost 21 years old and I've been married for three months. I've prayed more and "done battle" in the spiritual world more in the last three months than ever before in my life. Since being married, Satan has spoken so many lies into my head. He lies to me that I'm not good enough to be married to David. He lies to me that I have so many issues that David is going to leave me. He lies to me that David isn't fully committed to me (and BELIEVE ME, this man is so wonderfully committed). He lies to me that God isn't seeing my heart and taking care of me. He lies to me that God isn't taking care of us. He lies and he lies and he lies. 

And while every hard thing in marriage is NOT from Satan...{lets be real, God has been doing a LOT of fine-tuning and not-so-fine-tuning in my life since marrying David}...he certainly does what he can. 

Satan is a liar. But he's so sneaky. He sneaks in and gently nudges with those lies. He comes when I am feeling most vulnerable. He comes when my husband is at work and I'm alone with only my own thoughts for hours. He comes in when I am discouraged about school and other things coming up. He's a sneaky liar. I have to be on my guard. 

So why am I telling you this? I want anybody who is preparing to marry or is already married or who will get married any time in the future....be prepared to fight. Not with each other of course (though that happens sometimes too ;) but be prepared to do spiritual battle. Be prepared to go to battle for your spouse in prayer. Be prepared to go to battle with Satan and the stupid lies he speaks into your head. Be prepared to take every thought captive. 

And know that you can do none of it without the power of Christ in you. Its true, you have to put God at the center of your marriage and even more, at the center of who you are. I can't even tell you the amount of times that David and I have had an issue come up and we have had to go to God in prayer acknowledging that we can only do marriage in His power. And we have to acknowledge that the issue is often bigger than the two of us...we have to rebuke Satan in Jesus' name, because he has no right to touch us or our marriage. 

Spiritual warfare is no easy thing. And its even harder when its involving something so dear to us like our marriage and our relationship with each other. But I have to tell you, you will face it. So be prepared for it. I'm pretty sure that being prepared for it is half the battle, at least emotionally. 

Marriage is hard like they say. And marriage is better than anything I have ever experienced. God has brought me so much joy from being married to my incredibly wonderful husband. And I'm pretty sure we make God laugh too :) But Satan? No, he hates it. And you know what? I'm glad he hates it. That means we must be doing something right. 

It's Not About the Milk

It's not about the milk.

This may seem like a strange title to our blog, but it comes with a story.

Marriage comes with its fair share of ups and downs and each day we find that we must learn how to best love each other. Sometimes that means seeing a situation through your spouses eyes rather than your own. This past Friday morning was one of those situations. I (David) work at a restaurant here in Siloam Springs. When I work in the mornings my shift starts at 9:30 in the morning. That means I normally roll out of bed about 8:30, get up, shower, eat, and then I'm off by 9:20.

So on Friday when I woke up to eat, I asked Lynea how she was. She told me was that she had a really rough night of sleep with some bad dreams and that she had already been up for hours. I commented on the rough night of sleep and told her I was sorry it was bad. Then me, being in my task-oriented routine that morning thought, "Well she will get up soon and find something to eat, but I have to go to work soon so I better eat now". Not saying anything else, I walked to the kitchen to find some cereal and found that there was only a swallow of milk in the fridge. Naturally I thought, "Well there isn't enough for both of us, so I'll just finish it off". Not the best choice. She soon came out hoping to find some milk to go with her cereal (she hates dry cereal) but alas, I had taken the last swallow and we really needed to go grocery shopping so we were already low on food. She sat down with me and a glass of water and was very quiet. After a minute, I asked what she was thinking, to which she replied, "I'm hungry." For some reason that didn't really register in my mind so I didn't really respond and started thinking about other things. It quickly became apparent that something was wrong so after prying a little bit (it takes a lot of time for her to talk sometimes :) ...) she let on that I knew she was hungry and yet I didn't really engage with her when she told me that. I didn't offer any milk or ask why she wasn't eating (because there was no breakfast food that didn't require milk). Yet I didn't really understand why she was upset that she didn't have any milk. There was barely any left.

Here's the thing: In my mind the issue was about the milk and that I didn't save it for her, but in Lynea's mind she was more upset that I didn't take the time to listen to her needs and pursue her after a rough night. And on top of that I didn't take time to make sure that there would be something for her to eat. And she was totally right. If there is one thing that I have quickly learned since married, its how selfish I can be. People say it all the time but its true. Marriage isn't about what I can get out of it, but about learning to love my spouse selflessly and meeting her needs first. It has only been 3 months of marriage and I am amazed at how much we continue to learn about each other and how to meet each other's needs best. Men tend to think that everything is okay after a brief conversation of consoling, but what my wife really needs and desires is a sincere listening ear and a man who will continue to pursue her heart and thoughts even after we said "I do".