You, be you. Let them be them.

"Wow! You guys move fast! We dated for a whole year before we were engaged!"

"You guys want to have kids in the next few years? We definitely want at least 5 years first so we have time just to ourselves."

"You guys have been dating for how long? When are you gonna pop the question?!"

Sound familiar? Maybe you haven't heard these exact statements, but if you think about it, you have probably heard something along these lines. You've been telling somebody about you and your significant other and they immediately react with a comparison to their relationship. Or they tell you how they would do it differently if they were in a relationship.

The other day while David and I were getting ready for bed, we started talking about this. A friend of mine had been talking about another couple we know and for some reason I just felt really uncomfortable with the conversation. It wasn't just because it was bordering on gossip. It was because I have a new understanding of some of the intricacies of relationships and I realized that it was really unfair to be talking negatively about how another couple was walking the road of their relationship. I became really uncomfortable because I don't want others to be judging the way David and I walk the road of our relationship.

I'm not writing this to chastise anybody or get upset with the world. Let's be honest. I'm just as guilty as the next person. But as I've been thinking about it lately I've realized something: Why can't we just be free to be our own couple?

David is a unique man. He lived part of his life in France and most of it in Colorado Springs. He has experienced living in Arkansas, Germany, and Ireland. He is a photographer and a server at a nice restaurant in town. He cares deeply about his family and friends and has strong moral convictions. He has been Napolean Dynamite on several occasions and insisted on getting my garter with his teeth {yes, I probably blushed.} There is nobody exactly like him.

I am a unique woman. I lived part of my life in Colorado Springs and most of it in Peru. I have experienced living in Californa, Costa Rica, and Ireland. I have worked in a sweat shop and I now help a girl with some physical disabilities. I am a youth ministry major and grew up in Charismatic churches. I love to serve people {at least, that's what David says} and I love my friends and family greatly. I'm a jungle girl and city girl at heart. I drove motorcycles at a young age and have held a couple different anacondas. There is nobody exactly like me.

So if we are two unique people, doesn't that mean that we are also our own unique couple? We will move at our own pace and make decisions in our own way. There is no other couple exactly like us. Of course, I'm not saying that we don't need shared wisdom from people. Actually, we soak it up. What I'm saying is that we don't need to compare our relationship to other people's relationships! And we have no right to judge the way others walk through their relationship. We get to be ourselves. And others need to be able to be themselves.

Comparison is such a big issue in our culture. Facebook and Instagram are a breeding ground for it. I'm not against being on Facebook and Instragram because I use them both frequently. But think about it. How often do you see somebody's post about their life and get a little bit jealous, frustrated, or annoyed because they have something you don't or are doing something in a different way than you might? I do whenever I see somebody on a lake, or in the mountains, or at the beach. And ladies, be honest. There are times when we see somebody's "perfect" selfie and get jealous because she looks so perfect. We compare and compare and compare. And its not healthy. One of my favorite professors says, "Comparison breeds discontentment." Isn't that true? I have days where I'm having a pretty good day and feeling pretty confident; then I see that beautiful girl surrounded by friends hanging out in the student center. And I start to compare. And I become discontent. {Actually, I see that young mom holding her tiny baby...and I begin to desperately want one}.

Comparison doesn't do anybody any good. It doesn't do me any good when I hear somebody compare my relationship to theirs. It makes me feel like we are doing something wrong. And it doesn't do me any good when I compare somebody else's relationship to mine. They aren't me and David. They don't have to be us.

And it's not just people in relationships that make judgement comparisons. I remember what I was like before I was in a relationship. I would frequently make comments to other friends about couples I knew and about what I would do differently. I talked like I knew what their relationship should be better than they did. But I didn't. And I really don't have the right to judge the way that they walk through their relationship. There is no handbook for relationships. They are hard and they take work. People have to be able to walk the journey together in the way that really works for them as a couple.

And I'm not saying that don't think we should ever challenge our friends to walk "the straight and narrow." I hope if I ever have a close friend who is in an unhealthy relationship that is clearly not honoring God, that I will have the courage to come forward and in love speak truth. However, that isn't what I am talking about here. I'm talking about those "non-essentials" like when to meet the family. And when to first kiss. And how much time to spend together at different levels of seriousness. And when to get engaged. And how long of an engagement to have. And when to have kids. All those things that we have opinions on. That don't really need to be shared unless they are asked for by the couple.

People are all unique. So are couples. So I'm learning to just allow people to be in their relationship without feeling like they are being analyzed. Just because they dated longer before becoming engaged doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. And just because we want kids sooner than another couple doesn't mean there is anything wrong with us. We are us. And we can be so confidently.

So be your own person and be your own couple! Let God direct you as He will. Don't compare other relationships to your own. And let your friends relationships be theirs as well. I never want to make people feel like they are doing something wrong simply because I make a point of saying how differently I would do it. Can we all just be free to be ourselves?